They tell we’re all going to hell in a handcart because English football is having its worst year for football-related arrests. But that isn’t the real issue here; I’ve just been served a cup of tea with a pot of coffee whitener. Not UHT milk but the powdered sweet creamy smelling stuff. It’s time the EU got their act together and banned this abhorrent practice. I shall write to my MEP who will…be unemployed in less than a month’s time.
The government is hell-bent of taking us back to the 1950s with their ‘unique’ take on Brexit but if they can’t do that, they will put football there first. Not by bringing back the maximum wage at its’ 1953 level of £15 while reducing ticket prices to 2s. No, sports minister Mims Davies – which is a very 1950s nickname – will tell the FA they are jolly naughty boys who must keep their children under control.
She’s supported by Chief Constable Plod from Bootboy Town said that the alcohol ban in football stadia was here to stay. Presumably the grass turns violent when it sees beer in the stands and those little tufts can’t be trusted. Cunning devils that they are.
There’s nothing like a little drama to produce a cacophony of over-reaction. Every solution I’ve seen – fencing – failed to act as a deterrent with horrific consequences previously. Or is easily prejudiced by the cunningly delusional fan. Take points deduction as an example. What’s to stop a Manchester City fan travelling to a Liverpool game and entering the field of play to change the outcome of the title race?
Calls To Arms
There were even calls to arms. Armed police was a way too American idea for me. It sounded too much like Trump’s ‘idea’ of having an armed policeman at school to prevent more mass shootings. I won’t even go into the simplest solution there; I’m probably in the wrong already for quipping about Brexit…
But don’t worry, Henry Winter felt the public are best placed to resolve the matter. Go home, light your torches, find your pitchforks: there’s gonna be a-burning. Somewhere in Transylvania, Dracula watches wearily as the townsfolk gather again the in the town square unaware that the butcher got a good deal a last-minute group booking to a Very British Burning.
The solution is, however, very simple. Each club should have a Rollerball-style track around the pitch. Instead of the metal ball scoring points, it should be fired at the transgressor without mercy. If they survive that punishment, then they are obviously a witch and we should drown them at the ducking stool.
I know that I’ve trivialised a serious issue but hey, pundits, politicians and the media started it. If the courts have a proper sentencing deterrent, would there be such a willingness to transgress? Set the minimum sentence at six months with no remission, trebled if they make contact with a player. I genuinely can’t see anyone interloping on the pitch knowing they have got a minimum six to 18-months inside ahead of them.
On Arsenal matters, Unai is taking the remnants of the squad for warm-weather training and a friendly in Dubai to keep the team spirit going. Which is nice. Or it will be if we finish in the top four which quite a few in punditland think won’t happen despite points and run-ins, etc.