Mercy,  Mercy Me

Eduardo learns his fate today and will need to be nimble on his feet to avoid the books as they are thrown at him by UEFA’s Disciplinary Committee. I am quite frankly astounded by the speed with which European football’s governing body has acted. A cumbersome organisation rapidly set a date for the Kangaroo Court to sit and according to reports, has already found him guilty of their sins.

Most newspapers this morning note that UEFA’s General Inspector Clouseau, sorry Gerhard Krapl, oops sorry, Kapl apparently faxed the club, saying that the player had

succeeded in deceiving the referee, who was influenced by the player’s gross unsporting behaviour. There are no exceptional circumstances that would justify a plea for mercy

a line which several journalists are busy re-reading their texts on the event and subsequent witchhunt afterwards, looking to sue GI Kapl – has he got a warrant card, introducing himself as “Kapl. GI Gerald Kapl, UEFA Buffoon Squad”? – for plagiarism.

A robust defence sets foot on the pitch these days and has been launched on Eduardo’s behalf. Nineteen pages rebutting the charge, have been sent to UEFA, including a photograph which shows contact between Eduardo and Boruc, although that may have been a holiday snap when the Polish keeper bumped into Eduardo on his holidays.

They have also asked why UEFA has failed to use the charge before, despite having countless opportunities to do so since it became football law in 2006. Perhaps an even weaker aspect of the defence is questioning why UEFA condemns via video evidence yet will not allow referees to use the technology during the game. A more pertinent question would seem to me to be why players cannot use it to appeal against an incorrectly awarded yellow or red card.

I doubt that anyone at Arsenal expects a successful defence, not least because The Times tells us that “there is little sympathy within the sport” for Eduardo’s plight. Too right, they are all there quaffing their Crystal, thinking “there but for the Grace of God, go I“. The Gnomes, it seems, have psychic abilities and can tell you what the player was thinking. Let’s see if this works then. Krapl, which middle finger on my right hand am I holding up? Oh, erm, you are good at this aren’t you.

Window Shopping

Elsewhere, Arsene is probably beavering away to find the combination to the safe which holds the Euro Travellers Cheques so that he can go off on a shopping spree at a hypermarket. Unfortunately, there aren’t that many left so the local car boot sale may have to do. Still, amongst the fake Ming vase for Mrs Wenger and the slightly crumpled Barbie sans Ken for the nipper, he apparently will find an equally antique Gennaro Gattuso or a modernist Blaise Matuidi, although the price for that is a bit on the high side. The Chamakh he saw on the way in has been hurriedly chucked into the owners boot as they want to give him away to a worthy cause next summer. Still, it is an environmentally friendly policy for Bordeaux to have as it will save Arsene using two carrier bags.

What A Crock Of…

Once finished there, Wenger will be back at London Colney helping the medical staff to prepare for an influx of injured players when they return. He has been to Casa Rosicky and got Tomas‘ favourite Teddy Bear, ready for another lengthy spell under medical supervision. Rosicky, away with the Czech squad for their World Cup Qualifiers, has told the press that he is 100% fit:

There has been no trouble in training for Arsenal but I must try out some things yet, as the training sessions were rather light. Anyway, I believe I will be prepared.

His training sessions at Arsenal were light and there were some things he could not do. So, if I interpret that correctly, he admits that he is not 100% fit and probably should not be with the Czech squad, a point summed up by a “Yah Boo Sucks” in Arsenal’s direction:

Of course, he was not excited when I told him I would be going to play for my country. But there is no reason for me not going. If I am 100 per cent, then why couldn’t I play?

You’re not and you have a Duty of Care in your contract towards your employers. Here’s a hint, your employers are based in London, N5, not downtown Prague. Yea, Gods.

There is an element of recklessness in Rosicky’s attitude. I appreciate he feels honoured to represent his country but nonetheless, he has a bigger debt to Arsenal for enabling him to be in that position. A little perspective from him would not have gone amiss, especially since a little patience now would prolong his career.

In the same way that I do not expect Arsene to sign anyone before 5pm, I do not expect Rosicky to be available for another month.

’til Tomorrow.