Dick, quickly! Get Anne, George and Timmy the dog!
Whatever’s the matter, Julian? Is there a mystery for the Famous Five to solve?
Cripes, no. It’s better than that. There’s an internet vote and we need to round up all the Arsenal fans we can!
Golly, that will be fun! But what if they won’t come?
Tell them there’s lashings of ginger beer!
You lot are as mad as a box of frogs. I’m just surprised that Ospina hasn’t won the Save of the Season award. Mind you, the BBC have nobody but themselves to blame for the shambles which surrounded Goal of the Season. Bradford put them on the back foot over the FA Cup and Aunty got too sensitive about it all. They followed that by stumbling through when Joe Hart genuinely produced the Save of the Season on the day voting for the goalkeepers was to commence. Lineacre grovelled on TV; as soon as one complaint went in, there was no way that Jack Wilshere wasn’t going to be nominated for his finish on Sunday. And once that happened, he was always going to win.
And the Stoke supporters were right, Wilshere’s wasn’t the best goal on the day. Theo Walcott’s first was.
There is something wrong with the men in suits at the moment. OK, so there has always been something wrong with them but right now, the suits have come from the local pound shop judging by the actions of the weak who occupy them. It’s shambolic that frankly the finest banner I’ve seen at a football ground since the 70s is banned from Saturday’s cup final. I mean, if any Arsenal supporter genuinely complained or found offence with this, there’s a one-way flight to Mars leaving soon; do us all a favour and book yourselves on it. How can this be banned?
If you didn’t, perhaps we could have a whip-round for the suits that did and send them in your place. I mean, what sort of namby-pamby atmosphere do they want at a cup final. It’s not just a PR disaster, it’s an organisational farce even by FA standards and let’s face it, they have a pretty low bar when it comes to cocking things up. 68 year-old Greg Dyke railed against “Old men [who] are always dangerous. You should never let them make the decisions” but your young men Greg, are even worse.
How does anyone take offence as at that? God knows what they’d have thought of the 70s banners which were seen at every final; “Jesus saves but x scores the rebound” would probably have the Church up in arms now but judging by recent criminal history, they would have looked on enviously as the “We’ve got a Big Willy” was unfurled. When did it become necessary to ask permission to take a banner to the final? Are we really that far down the road? I suppose so with all-seater stadia, we probably are.
Reports suggest both clubs have doubts about the content of the flag. This is one of the most iconic pieces of pop culture being adopted by football and who the Hell is going to be offended by that? God knows what they must think of the chant, “You’ve only come to watch the Arsenal” if it were sung. There would be battalions of Special Forces surrounding the stadium to keep the peace as the mood turned riotous.
The show-piece final has almost as many people who don’t give a rats arse about either club as passionate fans. If you want your competition to be relevant, there’s got to be a maximum of 10-15% to sponsors. They don’t pay enough for any more. If you think they do, get the Premier League boys to do your commercial negotiating because they know how to screw people over. It can’t be that hard, you’ve taken lessons from them on ticket pricing.
Look, I know that the football family is important and you should reward the volunteers who give up their time for the love of the game. A shame a lot of them don’t get a look in when it comes to the tickets. Give the football family England tickets or set aside 100 tickets at each cup tie for them; you could reward more. There are 120-odd ties in a season plus England home games where you could give out 5k tickets and not cause a problem to supporters. Why does it have to be the FA Cup final, especially when those who want to go are left resorting to buying from touts. Or ticket agencies as they are now called?
In a very twenty-first century response, there’s an online petition over it. Lads, good luck it won’t make a blind bit of difference.
Ivan, Greg, Tom; take a step back, look at yourselves and your organisations. We know you don’t give a rat’s arse about what we think but frankly you’ve bought football, Aston Villa and Arsenal Football Club into disrepute. Utterly pathetic. Go and charge yourselves with that. I’m sure you can claim the fines back on expenses.