It’s that time of month. That time of August, if I can clarify a bit. That time when you want to crane your neck out of the long grass and ask “Are we there yet?”
It’s that time when listening to Arséne talk about transfers gets as tedious as watching Police Academy 9, or is it 10. You know, when the sight of Steve Guttenberg’s face yet again is a reminder of Wenger going “We will only add to our squad if we get a top top player”. That kind of we’ve-been-here-before feeling.
Of course no one else is coming in. We’ve already done our ‘2 or 3 more during the summer’ routine. It’s a wrap with Kolasinac and Lacazette. Some may even forget we got our Bosnian tank for the price of a bag of chips if anything. There is that irony you know. Arsenal fretting over 3 key players running their contracts down for a Bozeman, while we are hunting in the basement stores of Europe for the same.
Welcome to a Special Kind of Stupid
You know we’re going to be stuck on a special kind of stupid all week because Jim White is already oiling himself for deadline day. Oh wait, he moved to that dodgy lot at Talk Spite, didn’t he? No matter. Depending who you believe, Arséne has supposedly gone down on his knees to beg Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain to sign his new £180,000 a week contract? But they say The Ox has his head on a swivel looking around for options. The options that give you regular pitch time, the same salary Arsenal is offering and a sweet signing on bonus. The options you get at Anfield or Stamford Bridge.
What of Little Jack Willy who they say has resorted to brawling on the pitch. Seeing as Arsenal is so desperate to get rid of 3 more senior players, Arséne has resorted to a desperate “Has boots, will travel” sales pitch to try and offload Jack in 7 days. Doesn’t really work when our Jack turns up for the medical in crutches and a wheel chair in the boot, does it?
I suppose Wenger can argue that keeping Joel Campbell for the season has to stack up better than Li’l Jack. Hell, if I was Campbell, I’d refuse to spend a 7th year in the wilderness; I’d rather play real money slots, to be honest. Plagues and famines used to last that long in ancient times. Perhaps its just strange to operate that long away from your regular day job.
Hang on a Damn Minute, I’m Buffering
Yup! That’s the message you get on Google Maps when you try and figure out all these potential exotic places we might be traveling to this season. The Champions League really spoilt us. I didn’t even realize some of these teams existed. We find out today at noon whether our traveling support are going to need a new travel agent.
Interesting to note, Arsenal are actually one of – if not the strongest contenders. We have to be favourites to win the Europa League. Well, at least until a few familiar faces are thrown out of that other cup in December. I feel bad we’re not there, but I must say – that group with Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund and Spurs is just what the doctor ordered. Celtic on the other hand must be wondering who they have to sleep with to get a break. Last year it was Barcelona. For their trouble this year, they get both Bayern and PSG. I must admit, there’s something relieving about not having to face Barcelona or Bayern like a stuck record – at least for a while.
If we’re going to win the Europa league though, we have to take it more seriously than we’ve done the first two games of the Premier League.
Oy, You Lot – Here’s Your Team Talk Against Arsenal
“They Come Back from the Half Time Nap Still groggy”
You know that’s the notice Jurgen Klopp is going to print and hang in the Anfield home Dressing room on Sunday. Why shouldn’t he? It worked for Chelsea in the Community Shield. It worked for Leicester City. It worked for Stoke City. What’s the point of a team talk when he can just put his feet up and whistle.
Someone should check Granit Xhaka’s refreshments at half-time for any laxatives. It’s disturbing that all the three ‘after half-time’ goals started with lapses from him. I would be happy with him being benched to let him reflect on that. Try out an Elneny-Ramsey or Le Coq-Ramsey combo as our Granit chews over the impact of his mid-match naps.
I would be shocked if there were no goals on Sunday. We’ve got two managers who would rather score more goals than their opponent instead of defending. If Ozil is on his game, we’ll have an equally devastating front line. The problem is you can never tell which Ozil will turn up. If he’s not performing well, I wouldn’t be averse to him being substituted by Iwobi. I also hope Wenger drops this Bellarin Ox experiment. Let Sead play left wingback, and settle for either OX or Bellarin on the right. It’s refreshing to have a backline of Mustafi, Koscielny and Monreal. That’s as solid as we’ll get out back this season.
Have a great day good people, just 7 more sleeps.